Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
