I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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