Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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