No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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