meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
