after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
