At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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