Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
