so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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