cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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