yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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