i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
