I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
