there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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