This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
