I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
