you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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