Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The power of my boobs compel you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
