I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
