I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
