I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
