dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
