I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
