mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
