but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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