love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
