I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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