just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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