apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Drunk is not a location!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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