Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
