You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
