There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
