piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
