He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
