awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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