i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
