you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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