oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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