i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
