After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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