New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
