is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
