I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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