Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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