I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My first STD was from a foam party
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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