the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
