I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
