she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
