i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
