Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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