Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
